I have not written my column in a long while. Life got in the way, but it was always something that laid heavy on my heart to do. I just could not figure out what to write. I didn't really have a soapbox I felt like standing on at my age, because I, frankly, don’t give a rip about most things that are important to this world most days, like politics, celebrity gossip, etc. (I know….so contradictory to my profession as a newspaper editor, but anyone that knows me will tell you that I am not conventional about anything!)
However, my heart has always been for people, and ways that I can help them, because I KNOW I am not the only person that has struggled with certain things in life that I have struggled with, despite the blessed life that I have, so that is what I have decided to write about.
I will admit, that sometimes I do babble on social media about certain insights that I have or my “ah ha” moments that happen occasionally, and that is usually something that God has dealt with me on that I really did not want to deal with it all, and hence, becomes a confession of sorts on social media. I have a tendency to be a tad stubborn and don’t let go of certain things easily that is why I need to confess occasionally. That is not what this column is about, but I am sure it will come up in future columns.
This column is about focusing on myself more, as selfish as that seems to me, it is the truth. I stopped focusing more on myself months back when I started dating a great guy. Now, let me stop here and note that I am a woman who is a firm believer in balance. I believe in order to be truly successful one must be balanced spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I strive to do that on a daily basis, but when one of those things gets out of balance….well….life does not become so fun and one must make strides, along with the Lord Almighty, to get it balanced again. That is when I have a lesson to learn.
I never have believed that failure is a bad thing. If something doesn’t work out, I try and figure out what I need to learn from it and do better next time. This tactic usually ends up driving my friends insane, because I vent to them and pick their brains in the process, but I am sure that has led me to my successes that has given me this blessed life.
So, back to me and my focus. I wanted to start writing about love months back, because of the great relationship that I was in. He was showing me that love could be expressed numerous ways, not just verbally. It was one of those “ah ha” moments where I realized that everyone does not express love like me, and this revelation excited me. It really opened my eyes to how others think….how others love. (I am still in awe that I had not even figured that out in my 45 years on earth!)
I procrastinated on writing the columns on this new revelation at the time, because I was scared. Why? I was not focused on God and myself. I was too focused on him. You would think I would have this figured out after 45 years too, but nope! It was not his fault. If anything, he was so sweet that he went along with my clingy ways.
See, I always put my kid first, and God too, then I put him about 5th down on the list after my Grandma and the newspapers. I thought putting God first (which is the most important) and my kid, along with my career that I loved, that was enough. That was my “me” time. Oh, how wrong I was! Because I was not focused on me, our relationship came to a crashing halt!
At that point, we sat down and talked about it. He was not happy and neither was I. He felt we were not on the same page. (We actually were, but my actions did not match that, because I was way too focused on him!) We had never argued. We always had a great time together. My son even mentioned how good of friends we seemed to be and how well we got along, but this column isn’t really about what happened between us either, because that is private, but how I could learn from it. So, what happened?
It dawned on me days later, I had lost focus on myself. I had stopped doing the things I loved doing alone, like painting, reading, baking, and having long relaxing showers without interruptions (a mom can dream); but had put him over myself instead, making me not the best girlfriend.
See, Ladies, we are important, VERY important! God made us unique, nurturing, loving, giving, considerate, and kind. That takes more from us that we know sometimes. God will fill our tank when we come to Him, but we must take time for ourselves, as well. If we are to be the best for our children, our families, friends, and companions, it is a MUST. We cannot look to them to fill that void. We must look to God and ourselves to do that. No matter how great of a companion they are, it is impossible for them to fill that void, and it is very unfair to them too.
I want to take a moment to say, I know that I mention God often, but this is not a religious column. Do you know why? I do not believe in religion. I believe in the love of Christ. I believe in Christianity. I am one of those cussing Christians who has a tattoo, drinks at times, among other things that is NOT your business, which I am sure some of you will try to come up with some story anyway.
I am simply a child of God having human experience. I am far from perfect, and I am in no place to judge another person, but God is so much a part of my life, flaws and all, that I can’t leave Him out of my “ah ha” moments.
Many people could speculate as to why my former flame and myself did not work out, because yes, we both had lived a lot of life before meeting each other, but that was in the past, and if God does not remember the past, then why should we? The answer, we simply did not work out, because things got out of balance. (Feelings are an important matter too, but that is, also, not the subject matter of this particular column.) This is why balance is so important! I believe balance in one’s life is the secret to success. Look at my life. I have done pretty well with that philosophy if I still have not gotten it right in the man department, but I don’t let that failure hold me back. I learn from it and keep moving forward. I keep dating, but that is, also, for another day and another column. (Wow...it seems I have all sorts of ideas for upcoming columns!)
Remember, always be true to yourself in order to be what others in your life need you to be for them. That is how God works. He wants us to love ourselves as much as others, because we are just as special to Him too. He created us for His own perfect pleasure. He is a great Father and wonderful friend. Rely on HIm to show you how to have a more balanced life.
This is the Babbling Belle signing off till next time, and don’t forget that every day is a good day to have a great day!