At the Clear Creek Trail parking lot, John waited for his walking buddy Sammy. Sammy showed up late as usual. When he finally got there and got out of his car, John said, “Hurry up and let’s get walking, this cloud of gnats is killing me. They’re in my nose, ears, and eyes. I hate these little black things.” He clapped his hands together in front of his face and showed Sammy the ten squished gnats on his hands. “There are a thousand of them. How come I only got ten? Let’s get going.”
They left the squadron of pesky gnats behind as they moved down the shady trail. Except – within five minutes a familiar buzzing started in his right ear. He slapped at it and it moved to his left ear. He slapped again and missed again. Back and forth John and the gnat went. He got out his bandana and swished at it like it was a horse’s tail. The gnat made a fatal mistake and got caught in John’s beard. John slapped himself in the mouth to kill it.
On that narrow part of the trail, Sammy walked behind, completely gnat free. He watched John’s show in front of him. When he caught up he said, “What’s wrong with you? You’re acting like a whole hornet’s nest was after you. It’s only a gnat doing its job. You can’t really get rid of them. Another one will be here in a few minutes. They have a communications system to keep one gnat scout out per person at all times. I’ve got this phone thing here so I asked Siri to find out about them for me. She may be artificial but she sure is intelligent. It took her a nanosecond to decipher gnat language and connect me so I could listen in on their talking.”
One gnat said to another, “What’s buggin’ you buddy? You don’t look too happy?”
The second replied, “It’s those walking trees. They came right through our classroom and one of them killed ten of my gnatmates. It was awful. One minute we are all flying around at recess and the next – a big explosion and ten are gone, smashed, and carried off. How can walking trees do that?”
The first said, “They are not walking trees. Those are humans. I don’t know why they want to kill us. We only live for two days anyway. I just want to live a good, long gnat life and go to gnat heaven when I die. That’s natural for gnats. I heard our High Priest of gnatchurch tell us to watch out for humans. They have love in their hearts, but our blood on their hands. I hear our scientists have developed an anti-hate solution. They will put it into our blood, and then, when humans slap us and kill us it will be absorbed through the skin of their hands. It’s a natural, organic compound so humans will never know the source of their new-found love for one another.
We’ll do it one gnat on one human at a time to make sure they get the gnat love disease. One of us will fly around a human’s head until we get slapped and sacrificed for peace and love, then another will take its place. I’ve got to go now. It’s my turn to die. See you in gnat heaven.”
John interrupted Sammy’s Siri, “I don’t believe a word of it! Gnats are nuts! Gnatschool? Scientists? I don’t get it.”
Sammy said, “Of course you don’t, John. You’re a human. But that’s the way gnats do things. They do it gnaturally.”