Tom knew everything as expressed in inflated expert opinions.
Alice asked him, “What are we going to do 4 the 4th? It’s Thursday. We need to celebrate.”
He answered, “Certainly not on the 4th. Don’t you know your history. It was signed on the ninth. Stick to the facts and not to tradition.”
Alice said, “I read somewhere that Einstein said tradition was 4 times more important than fact.”
Tom said, “Horray for Einstein, but Lincoln said, ‘4score and seven years ago, our 4fathers brought 4th…’ 4 is what they shout in golf and it is also how they keep score. Par 4 most holes is 4 strokes or a total of 72 for eighteen holes. In baseball, that would be a batting average of 250 – one hit in every 4 at-bats. A baseball player would keep his job if some of those hits went 4 extra bases. In football, a quarterback who only completes one in 4 passes, soon loses his job.
Kids do it all the time – one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and 4 to go.”
Alice said, “It’s getting time 4 you to go.”
He said, “What 4? I’m not done yet. In playing cards there are 4 suits. And then there are 4 seasons – salt, pepper, chili powder and garlic.”
She said, “You mean seasonings. The real seasons are Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.”
He said, “Well yeah, I like chili and Winter best especially at Christmas when I get what I asked 4, and speaking of the Bible. There are 4 Gospels, and 4 fishermen, and the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse in Revelation.”
She said, “Don’t go there! I’m not ready 4 that part of the Bible. It doesn’t do anything 4 me. My Sunday School teacher says there are 4 letters by Paul to the Corinthians, but in the 4mation of the canon, they made them into two for convenience sake.”
He said, “If you keep using big words like that I’ll shoot you out of the cannon and you’ll get what’s 4!”
She said, “Well, Mr. Expert, don’t be so ignorant. 4 is God’s will. Way back in Genesis, the family line was expected to be Abraham, Isaac, and Esau. Esau sold his birthright to Jacob and number 4 became the great patriarch.”
He said, “That’s politics and politics don’t always work that way. In Kentucky’s May primary, Go4th was second and not first.”
Alice said, “You can’t stay away from politics can you. Well it’s not 4 me to say, but the holiday is upon us. Let’s celebrate!”
He said, “Which 4?”