At the annual meeting of the Board of Regents of the University, the Chairman called the meeting to order. He introduced the newest member of the Board, “This is Mrs. Claudia van Kirk. She’s taking her late husband’s place on the Board. They are big supporters of the school. Also, on the agenda we have the hiring of two new coaches for the Widget Team.”
Mrs. Van Kirk said, “We built the Science Center for you, but I don’t know anything about Widgets. What do they do?”
The Chairman said, “It’s a varsity sport. It’s really simple. It’s played on our Widget field. We have a team and compete against teams from other schools. One team goes first and tries to move the widget to the other end of the field. The other team tries to stop them so they can get to take the widget in the other direction. Usually, it goes back and forth until one team gets the widget all the way. They get some points and then they start fighting all over again.”
She said, “Fighting? Isn’t this a game?”
“It does get a little violent, but there are rules to them from killing each other.”
“It’s good to have exercise for our young men. How many on a team?
“Usually 80 players.”
“Oh, that’s good, but it makes the field awfully crowded doesn’t it, with 160 men on the field, doesn’t it?”
“They don’t all play at the same time. Only eleven on offense and eleven on defense. A game takes an hour, so those that play might only get thirty minutes of playing time. It depends on how the game is going.”
She said, “That’s only 22 payers. I thought we had eighty. I suppose if we had a lot of games everybody would get a chance. How many games in a season?”
“Usually 12, six at home and six away.”
“So the best players would get six hours of playing time for the whole Year? And that big, ugly, pile of concrete down behind the gym only gets games played in it six times a year? That thing cost more to build than the Science Center and they do research there every day. Do widget players have teachers? How do they learn to play?”
“We call them “coaches”. We have six and on today’s agenda we will hire two more.”
“That’s good. So we will have eight coaches for eighty players. That’s a good educational ratio. The head of the Science Center gets $175,000 a year. What do the Wicket coaches get paid?”
He said, “The two we are going to hire today as assistants will get $750,000 each a year. If the team does well, they get bonuses that can push that up to one MILLION dollars each. The base salary of the head coach is one and a half MILLION dollars. In a winning season, that can go up to two MILLION dollars.”
She said, “Two MILLION dollars for twelve hours of work, and the helpers get one million? That’s insane! That’s criminal, and I won’t be a partner to the crime!” She got up and left.